The problem with iced coffee

iced-coffee.jpg

IMG_5481.JPGI don't know if you've noticed, but I tend to write about lighter topics and avoid anything too heavy on the ol' blog. However, a recent topic has been weighing heavily on me this summer and as we approach fall (YAY!) I just can't keep it in any more. It simply must be addressed.

It's the problem with iced coffee.

Or rather, the problem with those who claim to be baristas who know something about iced coffee (THEY DON'T).

First, let's clear the air. I get that some people think iced coffee is simply ice + coffee but THINK ABOUT THAT. If you put (hot) coffee on (cold) ice, it doesn't magically become dreamy iced coffee goodness. It becomes a watery, diluted mess that no one likes. And yet, if I had a nickel for every time the following conversation took place at a coffee shop counter, I would be rich:

Me: do you have iced coffee? Fake barista: well, we can put brewed coffee over ice. Me:

NO.

Now that we are clear on what iced coffee is NOT, let's talk about the acceptable ways to make iced coffee:

1) Brew coffee as you normally would, but stronger. Chill. Prepare iced coffee as you like it. (Effectiveness: 7)

2) French press: grind coffee beans to course grind and dump into glass French press canister. Fill canister will filtered water. Place plunger lid on canister and set in fridge over night and for up to 48 hours. When ready, plunge and pour. Prepare iced coffee as you like it. (Effectiveness: 10)

3-ish) If none of the above is available, order an iced Americano and make it work. You're a martyr. (Effectiveness: 4-ish)

AND THAT'S BASICALLY IT.

It's not difficult. It's not rocket science. And if done correctly it'll change your life.

BUT NOT IF YOU DUMP HOT COFFEE OVER ICE.

I'm looking at you, hipster Coffea barista and teenager at the small town coffee shop. AND I'M WATCHING YOU.

//

I'll leave you with this little gem--

After a conversation in which I described to Jeff the situation that is all of my current stress wreaking havoc on my digestive tract, culminating in an unpleasant bathroom experience tonight:

Jeff: Me: Jeff: Where have the boundaries gone? Me:

You're welcome.

Love and Coffee,

heart-mp