Anatomy of a #selfie


I try to keep it pretty real over on the ol' Insta. Quite frankly because I love a good comedy, and the stupid stuff that happens in my life is far more funny that the perfect stuff (lol perfect stuff wut). HOWEVER.

I will absolutely admit that the amount of time that goes into me crafting the perfect Gram teeters on insanity. What can I say? It's my drug of choice.

I like to say that I think selfies are stupid and I don't do them and perhaps that USED to be true but I think myself and the rest of the planet would be lying if some days you didn't look in the mirror or catch a reflection in the microwave door or whatever and think Da-yam. My hair does not suck today. That's probably good, right? Life's a little bit easier if you can hold your head high and be like CHECK IT OUT IT TOOK ME 12 YOUTUBE TUTORIALS FROM BEAUTY VLOGGERS BUT MY EYE MAKEUP IS FLAWLE$$.

THAT SAID, even on the best hair day of all days, it takes a village to perfect an Instagram #selfie. Or in my case, an app or 12.

So for fun, I thought today would be a grand ol' day to go through some recent and not-so-recent selfies of my own and do a little behind the scenes that is sure to embarrass me at a later date, but for now I'm high on Friday. So enjoy.

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4 photos, 10 minutes in PicTapGo, and my head still looks like the size of a watermelon but for the love of ice cream, it's still getting posted.

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This was taken at Disneyland at the end of the day, after the travel experience from hell and walking about a billion miles around Fantasyland and the like, so you can bet it took me a solid 15 minutes to edit this sucker. Also, I'm wearing sunglasses. Very important for when you're looking less than stellar in a #selfie.

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Took this one on my way up North to vacation, and I was all done up since I'd just gotten off work, so that helped. Nonetheless this was one of about 17 photos I took before I got the just-right one, and decided that I would do one of those lame no-teeth smiles that I'm sure my mom hates after she paid for braces, but if I don't do that you can't see my eyes SO. Also it contains roughly 37 filters.

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Taken on the night our AC went out when we decided to rough it in the camper to stay cool. It was about 10:30pm and we passed out milliseconds later so you can bet I threw a good ol' trusty black and white filter on this baby to hide the no-makeup, bags-under-eyes glam look I was going for. Also, I prefer taking selfies with Jeff as opposed to any other human because he's the only person on the planet with a head bigger than mine. I married for selfie potential, sue me.

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47 filters and taken at least 4 feet from my face. #helpful

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This was from the adventure known as That One Time I Tried to Teach my Husband Photography in 20 Minutes So He Could Take Some Headshots of me Because I'm Poor. First we went to the park on a little photography adventure and I set everything up on my camera so all he had to do was snapsnapsnap. Except every photo he took had me looking 6 months pregnant/squinty eyed/weird. My fault, not his. Then we came home and, refusing to be defeated, I handed him my cell phone and we tried again. This gem was taken after approx. 20 minutes in the backyard fighting off mosquitos and preceded 35 others that Jeff would argue looked the exact same and I would argue did not. A little Valencia and cropcropcrop because I had roots for days, and it'll do.

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Crappy bar lighting and eye-makeup smeared raccoon eyes but the tequila made me care not.

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So this is A) technically not a selfie and B) doesn't have an obscene amount of filters on it. Cute right? Want to see an outtake?


Picture perfect.

Love and #Selfies,