What happens when I don't get enough sleep

I'm not a person who handles a lack of sleep well. In fact, cut me a few hours of Zzzz's short and I tend to experience every symptom on WebMD:

  • Headaches. Self-medicated with Excedrin and Grande Iced Americanos with espresso shot chasers. I don't recommend it.
  • Nausea. See above.
  • Weird dreams and hallucinations.
  • Severe mood swings usually followed by
  • Overly emotional crying.

I was not the college student who pulled all nighters. Not because I'm not the Queen of Procrastination (it's what my people call me), but because I MUST get between 6-8 hours of sleep a night. No exceptions. The one time I pulled an "all nighter" in college, I was in bed by 3 a.m., and then the next night my head hit the pillow before 8. It's how I roll.

I will gladly skip important things if it means getting more sleep. When Will & Kate got married, I woke up in the middle of the night and watched from the comfort of my dorm room, and then proceeded to miss my 8 a.m. class the next day. Luckily I was a pretty good student despite my obsession with the Royals, so when I saw my professor the next day he was all, Maddie. So. Class this morning?

And I was all LOL BOUT THAT.

And he was all, Royal Wedding?

And I was all, LOL yup sorry.

And he was all, LOL it's fine. This time.

will and kate royal wedding

Even though I need my sleep more than the average bird, I can also really easily accidentally end up still in front of a computer/iPad/TV a few hours past my bedtime. I'm getting better at this, but it happens. When I was in high school, it happened a lot. There was one summer I was babysitting my boyfriend's niece and nephew and I fell asleep on the couch during nap time. Not a big deal, right? Everybody's sleeping, everybody's happy. EXCEPT while I was asleep I had this terrible hallucination that I was actually not sleeping, just extremely tired, and I could not physically open my eyes even though I knew the little guy I was babysitting was up from him nap, standing at my feet. He wasn't hurt or in trouble or anything like that, but a good babysitter isn't napping when the kids are awake (or so they tell me). Seriously you guys, this was so real, and I felt so helpless that I couldn't wake up. When I finally woke up, I went to check on the kids and everything was fine, but to this day I'm still not convinced it wasn't real life.

I am the generation you entrust your children with. Terrifying, I know.

You may not know this, but I love me some midnight movies. (It'll take a minute but this will come full circle, please hold.) When the last Harry Potter came out, my sister and I stood in line at the movie theater in South Dakota humidity (you should have seen my hair) for hours waiting to see it at midnight so we could live tweet our emotions. (I actually don't remember if Twitter was a thing then. How long ago was Harry Potter? I think Twitter was happening.) This movie was L to the Ong, and I think I got home after 3 only to have to rise and shine a few hours later to be at work at 8 a.m. (8:10 - let's be serious).

Now, please understand this was an extremely emotional time for me. I joined the unofficial HP fan club in 5th grade, which is also when the first movie came out. Emma Watson, hereafter known as Hermione, was my age and suddenly a child star. These people could make stuff happen with spells and wands. Color me obsessed.

Fast forward 10 years and I've graduated high school and LIFE MOVES SO FAST YOU GUYS. Everyone around me was moving on, myself included, and while it was great and fabulous and exciting it wasn't 5th grade anymore and we had to act like adults (ADULTS WATCH HARRY POTTER IT'S FINE). The end of Harry Potter was the end of an era. Combine this emotion with only getting 4 hours of sleep the night before and you have a recipe for disaster. It was a slow day at work and I was on my own in an enclosed, practically sound proof office, with access to the Internet. Mistake #1.

I was feeling nostalgic (nostalgia never ends well, for me) and decided to do some HP Googling. I ended up on YouTube (Mistake #2).

I don't know if you've seen all the footage from the Deathly Hallows Part II Premiere party in London, but the Big 3 cast members and JK Rowling give speeches thanking the crowd and talking about their HP experience and It. Is. Heart wrenching.  Seriously. So many feelings.

hogwarts will welcome you home

In my stupor I ended up watching about two hours of these videos and subsequently crying into my keyboard. Literally crying at work, you guys. Because Harry Potter. Because Feelings. Because I NEED 8 HOURS OF SLEEP.

I bring this up because last night I basically got Negative 100 hours of sleep, for no reason other than life is cruel, and I am paying the price today. I'm on my second iced Americano and I want to die. I also seem to have developed whatever malady leaves you feeling like you swallowed a golf ball. I'm not saying "cold" because that is far too minor-sounding for whatever is happening in my throat.

This is a problem because I start a new workout program today. Tonight's agenda? Kettle bells. This is basically what you can expect if I don't feel better by 5:20:

kettle bell fail gif

I'll keep you posted.